Kiss With A Fist
by Lady Dudley
Summary: Eric and Pam had a 'mild' disagreement over where to spend their 'deathaversary.' For the prompt from brittreneehall.


**A/N: For brittreneehall and hansprinsessa who requested a fight over the location for their 'deathaversary' celebrations. Turned out different to what I was planning (and possibly to what you were expecting) but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Loosely based on 'Kiss With A Fist' by Florence & the Machine.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_**Kiss With A Fist**_

_...  
You hit me once  
I hit you back  
You gave a kick  
I gave a slap  
You smashed a plate  
Over my head  
Then I set fire to our bed  
-_'Kiss With A Fist,' Florence & the Machine  
...

It had been very subtle and civilised at first.

She had left pamphlets for places like Paris, Milan and a couple of tropical islands around the house, accompanied by language books and articles of appropriate clothing.

He had retaliated by leaving pamphlets for Eastern Europe and Scandinavia on top of _her_ pamphlets and cleaning up the other pieces of paraphernalia she'd left lying around.

Then she'd started to shred his pamphlets and use the confetti for highly original potpourri, so he'd turned hers into paper airplanes.

Undeterred, she changed the ringtone on his phone to 'Le Marseilles,' having determined that Paris was where she really wanted to go. He had then changed the settings on her phone to Swedish, a language she could speak but not read, after coming to the same conclusion about Sweden.

The silent war had then reached a new phase when she 'accidentally' keyed "Paris" into the side of his car, so he 'accidentally' used up her favourite lipstick by writing "Sweden" on every reflective surface he could find.

It had then gotten _slightly_ out of hand when she'd disabled the brakes on his car, causing him to crash into a tree.

So he set fire to her wardrobe.

In hindsight, it wasn't his brightest moment, but for a brief moment he'd enjoyed watching it go up in smoke. Until she appeared on the other side of the blaze and he realised that he _may_ have overstepped the mark.

"Have you lost your f*cking mind?!" she screeched, staring in horror at the fire.

Without waiting for his response, she lunged at the fire, desperately trying to salvage items from the blaze. He was at her side in a flash as her hand caught fire; her agonised scream cut through him as he grabbed her hand in both of his, smothering the flames.

"You bastard," she whispered, ignoring the tears pricking in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, releasing her hand and brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

She jerked away from his touch, "Don't _f*cking_ touch me," she spat, "what the _hell_ is wrong with you?" she demanded, "My _wardrobe_? Are you _insane_?"

"I…"

"If this anniversary means so much to you, why do we have to fight about it _every year_?" she demanded, cradling her injured hand and glaring at him.

"I don't know," he admitted after a long moment, "I got a little bit carried away-"

"You think?" she interjected bitterly.

"-and I'm sorry," he took a tentative step towards her, "I'll take you to Paris, I'll take you anywhere you want to go."

Pam eyed him, "You promise?"

"Yes."

She smirked, suddenly dropping her injured hand, "I guess this means I win."

"What?"

"My clothes are safe and sound," she told him cheerfully, "in your wardrobe," she bit back a devious grin, "you just burnt your own clothes."

Eric blinked slowly, trying to decide whether he was angry or impressed.

"My clothes?" he clarified.

"Yes."

Eric's eyes narrowed as he regarded her for a long moment, "Shucks, I'll just have to take you shopping," she added gleefully, breaking the silence.

Eric gave a long suffering sigh and she giggled, "I promise I'll make it up to you," she continued, sauntering over to him.

Eric caught her about the waist, "Excellent, how about you start now?" he suggested with a devilish grin, slinging her over his shoulder.

Her giggles followed them as they disappeared into the darkness.

...

**A/N: Just to clarify, it's a free standing wardrobe that he took outside to burn.**


End file.
